Adriana and I were joking about me moving to Michigan and finding a partner there. As a software engineer I can work from anywhere. After a few questions about my priorities, I enumerated some of the required criteria about a third person in my life:
"Adriana, we are an active family. I play tennis, ride road bikes, swim and in the winter skiing is the past time. I don't have TV, books are important and education is a major priority for me. Any woman in my life has to be pre-approved by Emma, wholeheartedly, with enthusiasm."
I have a lot of mini hobbies and I enjoy spending time on them: - reading - hiking - photography - cooking (by necessity) - wine making - growing a garden - writing on the side - and quiet time.
The must have qualities, for a woman, from my point of view: - smart
- presentable
- enjoying a hike - independent (I want my free time) - enjoying a book - enjoying adventure and ad-hoc decisions - good parent with strong views (a la Tiger Mom type) about parenting - having a knack for elegant part of the things In Adriana's book there were not many candidates and your name came along. There were a few other women but one of them was smoking and the other had to step in on the side to enter the house. They are still in the race, though, and their identities are kept private :) Plus the person should be interested to see me. We started with a tennis match which was interrupted by rain, continued with a long discussion, had some cake for your next day birthday and although you sounded interesting I could not foresee the distance impediment over-passed in any way. I remember telling you "All the best!" which in my parlance means I don't know when I am going to see you again and honestly wish you to have a nice, successful life. The next day, after a head-to-head with Adriana, I asked for your number and she planned the date. She was influential in convincing me to see you again. Without her prodding and asking questions, "All the best!" could have been our last words exchanged. She told me you leave your family to date me and I silently was impressed, you were still interested after my semi-cold shoulder. You still wanted to explore the possibility and I relented to that interest. My dark skin, tennis skills and Latino accent seems to play a role... I was acutely aware the cloth I had with me were not for a date, beginning with shoes, pants and the only shirt I brought with me. I like nice cloth but for many (purposeful) reasons, sometimes, I under-dress or even make clothing blunders. I decided to go with what I had (buying something crossed my mind, asking Dan was the second option ???) to our date and see how you would react. Got the address and then the problems stroke: the phone could not get the GPS signal and I was driving around the destination but not finding it. In my trips, for essentials, I have back-ups plans. I stopped in a parking lot, sent you a message "Hi, I have a problem with my phone and I will be late." and pulled out the Garmin, waited for directions and saw your message "No worries. Can I help?". In that moment I already imagined all embarrassing scenarios:
1. Call Adriana to help me out 2. Call an Uber/taxi to help me out 3. Call you
And your reply was the one that somehow released a little of the pressure on dating a stranger in a foreign town - I can rely on you for something (in)significant as finding a place, not being lost. And it was not intrusive - like tell me where you are and..., it left space for saving face.
Then I arrived at the pub, we started talking, I ordered a salad and cider, you having beer. Shared impressions about kids, family, relationships, life in general.
At one moment, when you were discussing about your failed marriage, I really felt compelled to stand up, come to you and hug you tight. I pondered the thought and let it fly just playing cool and listening to you. You did not have sour and hate and I just took an imaginary bow and, in reverse, told about people I know that failed to pass through dissolved marriages without sourness and hate and anger. I met single moms with their badge of honor displayed, thinking they are heroes and people should treat them as such. The world is not counting, awarding or caring that you are single, you have to survive the best you can and raise your kids.
Then I switched gears and wanted to know more of you and get close to who you really are.
I was starting to think there is a possibility of more dates with you !
I remember distinctly the thought that in the previous night I left you driving under the influence. The second night I offered to drive you home without any hidden intention, just to be sure you are safe - the second date I cared, the first one I was not that into you.
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