If I ask my friends who are married, why should you date, the answer is mostly "you don't want to be alone". All other reasons they got together in the first place, are almost forgotten.
The loneliness reason is a cinematographic scenario which plays in my head with a few variations.
- I imagine the daily routine when you are coming back from work and open the door of your home and nobody is there. It's like entering a deserted town, you being the only inhabitant. The door is the threshold between social and loneliness, you wave on crossing it, with life subduing its noise, far away.
- you warm up your meal and there is only one plate on the table. Maybe that is the only plate ever used in the house. Sometimes is the frozen, cardboard wrap hanging around somewhere like an abstract animal sacrificed in the ritual called "dinner".
- you feed your pet (dog, cat, fish...) and then pause to remember what is next, like a server who lost the order and does not know what to do next- you forget to feed yourself, sometimes.
- you go to bed, in a neat room, cleaned to perfection, like nothing alive is happening there
- you sleep in front of the TV, the volume high enough to have a party but your just hear a white noise in your head
One escape is to have a small dog wagging its tail and being happy seeing you (right S?). Others are to go in so calling activities or meet-ups to face the same type of people as you, running from their silence and from the fear of going home. Some of them are giddy and smiling like discovering a new world, much better than the four walls at home. Their faces are hiding the long silence hounding their daily life. It is the conversational people, talking like the tap is broken and commenting on everything around them.
There are many articles describing the past-time activity known as dating, especially in the light of Tinder and Bumble, where pictures are flying, explicit words are the norm and there is a record of how many dates do you get until there is a "so-so" match.
Some friends are sharing the tip of frequenting groups that are interested in the same hobby are yours, in the hope that you will have at least something in common. The problem is that single people have rarely the time to pursue a hobby and a partner in the same time. Which has the priority here?
A friend of mine became openly marketable by announcing all her acquaintances that "I am in the market, spread the word and share my social profile. I want all your friends to do the same. I barely wait to see all the prospects!".
The whole pursuit is fruitless because there are so many variables for a partner to trickle through many images you have about "what are you looking for". Most people are judging from the beginning and the rejection swipe is formed in less than 30 seconds.
I played the game many times and even went to a serial dating event (not promoted like that) but obviously designed as such: women coming to a dance party where men provided refreshments and conversation. I was assaulted, pushed and almost got several follow ups. But none of them clicked with me on the second date.
Others are still looking for the love in late sixties, after many attempts to get fixed by the family, friends and I know in my family my grandmother married at 75. She found the partner to share the old age part of her life. He was someone with nice manners and good understanding of what you can get from a marriage at that stage - companionship, common time together and help for difficult times (when you are sick or go through a rough patch).
In the end, just because a friend mentioned the book "The Five LoveLanguages" helped her in sieving through the dates, I added here the general manifestations of love the book is describing.
These are the words that make the other person to feel special, appreciated and loved. It is not hard especially if the words are expressed with candor and truthfulness. Some of he women I dated wanted to feel the flame of being adored, worshiped and looked up like they were the single object of desire.
2. Acts of Service
Instead of words your partner is waiting for deeds to show they are important - preparing a meal, helping them in their tasks, giving them time for what is important for them.
3. Receiving Gifts
That is an easy one to understand and play - shower your love with gifts which are important to her/him.
4. Quality Time
Is the time spent together, undivided attention to your partner, doing something in common and enjoying it.
5. Physical Touch
It is about people who feel more connected in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.
If I have to order them, for me, it will be - quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch and receiving gifts.
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