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Drifting apart from the beginning


Photo by Jamie Morrison on Unsplash

Before

You are in a relationship and after a while are sensing there is distance between you and your partner. All the gestures are there, with the same intensity but they look like 999 rehearsed plays of your life. For outsiders everything seems to be fine but you already left the character. There is no more dynamism, you hate the stagnation and the stale taste of life near a partner who is old in habits and does not come with any new ideas to heighten daily life. What is next, you wonder?

Where have you been drifting, after a while? If you've been a mouse all your life, you cannot dream to fly like an eagle all of a sudden, don't you?

In Between

And together, you and he, decide to split for a while and live separate lives. At the beginning is the urge to go back just because the habits are ingrained in you like a drug, absence of them is hard, your mind is stuck in the same movement. Then, after a while, resisting the impulse you jump into a new relationship with all the rebound from the old one.
Try many new things, taste new sensations and get the feeling the life is open for you again. You have flashes of your old life, and the tranquility comfort of those days when you just cruised life like an oil tank, slow and uneventful.

Are you really switching, embracing new life or get back to the old one? Running high with an unknown partner has its own perils: what if you are dumped, suddenly as being caught as a fraudster for all those pleasures, what if the flame is consumed and you are left at the curb, with all your belongings in a plastic bag, what if you are too old to sustain the high tempo of feelings and your new partner is looking at you with pity, what if you don't understand the new emotional vertigo, like being in a foreign country, enjoying it but without grasping the context of your happiness.

Many unsettling questions, many perils to avoid and a lot of hurt in case you cannot grasp the emotional environment and judgement is clouded or even it is beyond your level of understanding.

What to do next, in the middle of the vertigo?

The situations are real, when your level of comprehension is surpassed by reality, when you are stuck in the same mindset for years and years and cannot foresee a different future. There is an easy exit of choosing comfort of your judgement, or of choosing the unknown just for the amazing lifting feeling, but you are still not growing or allowing you to incorporate the new experience in your life.

Life is not linear, love as well and even evolution is not.

You might be left at the curb or transformed by the whole experience, but be prepared to look at it and take samples and analyze them. Stopping and pondering will create the anchors and will allow you to catch up. It is like climbing and checking the anchors again, are you still on the right path? You may stop at any time, but should be by weighing the right arguments and detecting the lack of motives to continue. Or you can correct your course.
Yes, you can go back to the life you know, but, sometimes, the regrets to not try the higher roads are more frightening.

It's reckless, you say, how about all other people around you? Life is short and mostly dull, what if somebody is throwing you a lifeline instead of a short moment of ecstasy, what would you choose? When the roller-coasters are coming your way, what do you do? Watch them passing you by? And here comes the life experience, how you look at it, and what is your mindset, what life taught you until now.

And there is the major drift,  the fork in the road, when the life wave is hitting your boat, do you continue or do you sail for safe shores?


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