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Meet-up on hidden dating
I was using Meet-up app to find "birds-of-the-same-feather", people interested to do the same things, enjoying the same events or just willing to spend time in the same activity (hiking, dancing, entrepreneurship, etc..).
It was a big eye-opener, and with each group I had some period of accommodation: looking around and trying to understand why all those people are there, what is the reason they are coming and what they were looking for to be happening.You don't have to be a mind reader, the gazes of people are telling more than they will recognize.
I will tell the story of my first meet-up with a dancing group/singles group. Friday is my tennis night and coming back with Emma from the courts I tried to see if I can arrange a baby-sitter for her in order to go to that event: a dancing night for singles (or not only).
I was anxious because it was the first time with this group, but the reason I kept convincing myself to go was that there were people driven by the same idea - find other people to dance with and have fun. I arrived a half-hour late and the place was in a plaza. I parked and entered the venue, Ann (the organizer) was waiting at the entrance and encouraging people to talk to each other.
The DJ did not chose a good music in the beginning and the restaurant was split in a dancing floor and tables with chairs. The majority of the women were sitting at the tables. The men were standing in front of the bar. Both groups were scrutinizing each other finding possible dance partners (or even more?!). Some of the people knew each other, some of them were coming in pairs and huddled in corners, waiting for the party to start. The place was small, but considering the number of people, quite enough for the event.
Looking around I managed to "pick" in my mind only two women I could have been interested to talk/know. Men had a few expressions of waiting the game to start and participate. Women were in tentative mode, watching the potential interesting guys. I ordered a beer and then introduce myself to one of the men at the bar. He looked clear in "dating mode" and had that intensity of not being in a relationship in a long time.
"Are you here from POF?, he asked" "What is POF, I asked.", "Plenty of fish, the dating site". I didn't know about it, but suddenly it made sense.
Women and men were in evaluation period, like in an open auction. Can browse, but not touch, for now.
Ann, the organizer, mobilized the women to come on the dancing floor. The dance started with a middle aged man, the zumba instructor, leading the ladies. You can say, that some of the women were totally not in sync with the tunes played. I was LOL-ing in my mind, men were transfixed by women's moves and judged them based only on the dance rhythms (too ancestral to realize we are driven by our genes).
A few interesting characters arrived on my radar - Dianne, Suzanne, Venera and the Jamaican dancer. I wanted to dance but not too many men were on the dance floor. I moved to a table and started looking around.
I was sitting at a table and first Dianne approached me. She sat down next to me and her expression had the intensity of an interviewer. I got the feeling she did not have the smoothness to introduce herself and just wanted to test the waters in a blunt manner. She was not smiling at all, like being in a mission she just wanted to be over. I was under her age, and she looked tired and tired of waiting from someone to pick her up. She was interested to talk to me but I was not - the long lines of disappointment on her face looked harsh. She understood, I was looking at her, at her dance moves which were not connected to the tune. She was not enjoying the music, was there to pick up someone of her interest. After the dialog lingered she got up and left like a buyer unhappy with testing a product.
Suzanne was of an Italian descend and seemingly enjoyed dancing. She came to my table and we discussed a little and she asked me if I liked to dance. It was a South-American type of music (bachata) and she led the way. We talked and danced a little, I liked her dancing and the feeling the dance was sensual to her. After a few dances we split, and then I somehow asked Venera (Bulgarian descend) if she wanted to dance. She was all fun, like a woman with no worries, all life in front of her and with sensible good taste in clothing (a big difference from all others). At some moment I asked her if she wants to be more adventurous in dancing and we tried a few riskier steps and she seemed to enjoy it.
Men were starting to make moves for the women in the audience. Dianne tried a few times to approach other men, but in the end she just left. Her attitude was off-putting, too obvious for me.
I was dancing with Venera and joking about jobs, accents of emigrants, life in general. Her laugh was contagious, and she was constantly touching her curly hair. She guessed what is my job, which was not hard. I guessed her job as well. At one moment, two men approached Venera and her friend (a burly Italian woman - Martha) and probably proposed them an outing - they were not losing time. After the short discussion between the two men and Venera and Martha, the latter become active and started to dance with one of the men. Suddenly the two men just caught some energy and started to laugh louder. Some people had a tired look on their face, like passengers in a bus station that were constantly loosing the last bus of life - finding someone for them.
Suzanne was dancing, mesmerizing men, and attracting them only through sensuality (maybe she was a pole dancer, in a former life?!). Just a few of them were brave to dance around her.
I danced again with her and realized there were not many people left in the hall. At one moment I was dancing with Suzanne and at the end of the song she told me, "I have to leave, my girl friend is tired". Was it a leaving line suggesting an interest from her? "Nice meeting you, Suzanne". "I like to dance, she said". "I hope to see you next time, I followed". I was not prepared to follow by asking a phone number or an email address.
I also said good-bye to Venera and her laugh was totally unhinged on any presumption, she was just enjoying the night.
I waited to thanks Ann for organizing the event and realized that leaving as I came was fine with me. It was an interesting experience, like visiting the catacombs of Rome, during the night - just I was experiencing the single life of middle aged women trying to find - I assume - a man for their life.
The interesting fact is that those events were happening for more than six years. Suzanne was, from her statements, coming for several years and was still single (I assumed). Maybe she was only coming from dancing and her counterpart was somewhere in a bar, not being that much into dancing? The man I approached and opened up about POF, had a gazing intensity which was hard to miss. Other people were dancing with abandon, with no energy or drive.
How about men? Some of them had a look of mafia gangsters or caretakers. Others were dressed in jeans and a shirt, some of them wearing even caps. None of them had made any inappropriate gestures, at least visible by all others. The organizers - Ann, Constantine (again, the movie with Keanu Reeves came to my mind) and the DJ seemed to cater to a demographic of middle aged women and men (although it was advertised 35+).
I wanted to pick their brain and see what happened over the years with people coming to those events - did they find someone, did they stopped coming because of the same not ending in sight result?
I forgot to mention the Jamaican dancer. She was round, like a big mama on very high heels and with a large curly hair, like you see in hair-stylist ads. As rubicund as she was, the cloth were revealing all her curves, the dance movements were amazing, and sensual. She had an older partner who was mostly there for fondling and touching her. She was like a toy with batteries, moving around and dancing for herself. Her partner was totally an accessory (friend with benefits) with a large smile plastered on his face - for now.
I left the party feeling I could have asked for phone numbers (Suzanne or Venera) but wasn't so inclined to make the move. I will decide next time, at least, now, I have acquaintances in the group and some interesting memories.
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